Faith & Chas Waiting to Adopt

The title I chose for this post reflects some of what we just learned in two days of adoption training - that we are supposed to be letting people in our circle know about our adoption plans, so that they  would tell others, because apparently, many US domestic infant adoptions now happen through outreach. Adoption outreach involves all the activities that prospective adoptive parents engage in for the purpose of reaching out as potential resources for birth parents. According to those in the adoption field, it is important for adoptive parents to take an active role in reaching out through their network, using resources such as blogs, YouTube, Facebook, postcards, and such, to spread the news and essentially, 'market' themselves to birth parents.

Most of us at the adoption training felt uncomfortable about the idea of putting ourselves out there in this way. But the more the trainers talked about it, the more it made sense that, in this day and age, where we get jobs and even meet prospective partners (marital and otherwise) through networking and the internet, we would use similar pathways in the adoption journey. Essentially we could have our profile in a big book and hope that birth parents find us by walking into Lutheran Social Services of MN, or we could engage in outreach activities ourselves so we can feel like we are actively involved. Either way, "Waiting to Adopt" still captures the space we are living in right now.

With our failed adoption still so vivid though, "waiting to adopt" is not a comfortable space to occupy. Unlike everyone else in the room during those those two days, we have already experienced every adoptive parents worst nightmare - a failed adoption, or more correctly, a "reclaim". A reclaim is the term they use for babies who are taken back by their birth parents before final consents have been signed. In Minnesota, birth parents have 10 (working) days within which to change their minds. So we are waiting to adopt after a reclaim, with all the attendant fears and frustrations, hopes and aspirations. That reclaim stole our innocence.

After the training, I found myself feeling my hope was getting depleted. On the one hand, it is great to learn that there is something we can do, that we can engage in outreach in order to increase our chances of connecting with birth mothers. On the other hand, it still feels like waiting to adopt is a space where we adoptive parents have no control; we can do all manner of outreach, but in the end, we wait and wait for birth parents to find us or choose us.

At church today, I received just the jolt I needed to rejuvenate my hope. Pastor Jon Hauser of Prairie Heights Community Church preached about GREATNESS derived from Luke 1. Of the 8 lessons he derived from that chapter, this is what jumped out at me (from Luke 1:5-7):

Don't allow DIFFICULTIES and DISAPPOINTMENTS to define your greatness. God is waiting to DEFINE and REFINE your greatness during difficult times. 

So today, I am reminded not to let the difficulty of the waiting to adopt space, or the disappointments of the failed adoption and the infertility that brought us here, dissuade me from believing in the promises of God. Zechariah and his wife were old and infertile too, but God came through for them eventually. Their son was born into greatness, having the awesome responsibility of heralding the coming Christ. So though waiting to adopt is an uncomfortable space to occupy, I aim to occupy it with hope, with faith that God will eventually come through on His promises. May this refiner's fire leave me purer, stronger, with even more faith than before this journey began.

Between Hope and Despair

It has been a month since our 'almost' adopted daughter was reclaimed by her birth mother. A month of living in the space between hope and despair. A month of also having a friend critically ill, then die within a week, but am too far to be of real comfort to those she's left behind. A month of realizing that I am rich in ways that money cannot buy, in friends who have called, sent text and Facebook messages, emails, and in many other ways let me know that they were thinking and praying for us.

I have been thinking about this blog post for a long time, thinking about how I need to talk about that space between hope and despair. 

That space

Between hope and despair 

Where gladness and grief collide 

Where great faith and debilitating fear attempt to co-exist 

I make four steps forward

Living in Hope 

But despair pulls me three steps back

That space 

Between hope and despair 

Hope brings healing

Despair breeds despondency 

That space 

Between hope and despair 

Hope repairs and rebuilds 

Despair pulls it all down again 

I choose hope

Time and time again

But despair has a way of finding me

Yet 

I still choose hope

I fight for hope 

I live in hope

I survive through hope 

Eventually

Despair will get the hint

And give way to living by faith

Despair tells me my issues are mountains

Hope tells me I can climb any mountains 

Despair tells me I am stuck in the dumps

Hope tells me I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me

So in this space 

Between hope and despair 

I will hang on to hope 

No matter how much darkness despair throws my way...