Faithfulness in the Mundane

The title of today's post is taken from a profoundly moving blog by Kara Tippett, whose story I only came to know a few months ago - she graciously battled incurable cancer and finally went to meet her maker last week. One post would not be enough to tell all I have learned from the life and dying of Kara, and I haven't even read all of her blog yet. But reading her story these past few months, and the final post that I read this morning when I finally found out she'd gone to be with the Lord —all this serves to put life in perspective. It is easy to get lost in the mundane 'hard' of my own life's current moment, yet, not only shall this too pass, but more importantly, how can I compare my struggles on this adoption journey, with someone struggle to hold on to life and die with grace?

Kara Tippett has taught me so much about grace in the everyday moments, grace in the pain and grace in the joys of life. She has taught me to love hard now, because tomorrow is not promised. She has taught me to cherish my friends. She has challenged me in my moments of 'pity-party', in my 'why me' selfishness, to count my blessings, naming them one by one, to be reminded of God's faithfulness. Kara has taught me to love God more wholeheartedly, not for what God has done, but more so for whom God is in my life...because sometimes God will not do what I'd hope or wish for. Sometimes the answers to my prayers will be/has been a resounding NO. Can I love and trust Jesus even when, even in the midst of the NO? God did not heal Kara. God took Kara home. Jehova Rapha's answer to Kara's cancer was, "welcome home my child"...So it makes me ask myself, if our adoption never takes place, if we are to remain childless, can I still, would I still, be faithful? I hope, I pray, that my answer would be YES.

Will I, can I be faithful if God's answer, when God's answer to my prayer is NO?

"My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. YET, NOT AS I WILL, BUT AS YOU WILL."

This Holy Week, I pray that my faith will be revitalized. Jesus prayer at Gethsemane reminds me that it is hard to be faithful to the end, it is hard to wait for God's purposes to be fully realized - it sure is darkest just before the dawn. So I pray that my hope will be replenished.  That I will be faithful in my own small cup of sufferings. That, as I choose not to give up on this adoption journey, that I will be faithful in the waiting space. And, that I will not seek to sabotage God's best for our family by hurrying up to fill my need for a child with Ishmael, rather than waiting for my Isaac. That I would be patient to wait for God's will to be fulfilled, whatever that looks like. I believe Lord, help my unbelief!