The title of today's post is taken from a profoundly moving blog by Kara Tippett, whose story I only came to know a few months ago - she graciously battled incurable cancer and finally went to meet her maker last week. One post would not be enough to tell all I have learned from the life and dying of Kara, and I haven't even read all of her blog yet. But reading her story these past few months, and the final post that I read this morning when I finally found out she'd gone to be with the Lord —all this serves to put life in perspective. It is easy to get lost in the mundane 'hard' of my own life's current moment, yet, not only shall this too pass, but more importantly, how can I compare my struggles on this adoption journey, with someone struggle to hold on to life and die with grace?
Kara Tippett has taught me so much about grace in the everyday moments, grace in the pain and grace in the joys of life. She has taught me to love hard now, because tomorrow is not promised. She has taught me to cherish my friends. She has challenged me in my moments of 'pity-party', in my 'why me' selfishness, to count my blessings, naming them one by one, to be reminded of God's faithfulness. Kara has taught me to love God more wholeheartedly, not for what God has done, but more so for whom God is in my life...because sometimes God will not do what I'd hope or wish for. Sometimes the answers to my prayers will be/has been a resounding NO. Can I love and trust Jesus even when, even in the midst of the NO? God did not heal Kara. God took Kara home. Jehova Rapha's answer to Kara's cancer was, "welcome home my child"...So it makes me ask myself, if our adoption never takes place, if we are to remain childless, can I still, would I still, be faithful? I hope, I pray, that my answer would be YES.
Will I, can I be faithful if God's answer, when God's answer to my prayer is NO?
"My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. YET, NOT AS I WILL, BUT AS YOU WILL."
This Holy Week, I pray that my faith will be revitalized. Jesus prayer at Gethsemane reminds me that it is hard to be faithful to the end, it is hard to wait for God's purposes to be fully realized - it sure is darkest just before the dawn. So I pray that my hope will be replenished. That I will be faithful in my own small cup of sufferings. That, as I choose not to give up on this adoption journey, that I will be faithful in the waiting space. And, that I will not seek to sabotage God's best for our family by hurrying up to fill my need for a child with Ishmael, rather than waiting for my Isaac. That I would be patient to wait for God's will to be fulfilled, whatever that looks like. I believe Lord, help my unbelief!
Monday, March 30, 2015
Monday, March 9, 2015
Friday, February 27, 2015
Parents-in-Training and Project Cuddle
Did you hear about the 22-year-old woman who burnt her newborn baby to death in New Jersey? This was a recent example of women in crisis who abandon or kill their babies, a situation that is not unique to the US. Recently, a cat in Russia helped to keep an abandoned baby alive by cuddling with him, keeping him warm while also meowing until help arrived. In the US, there are safe haven laws in all 50 states plus DC that allow women in crisis to leave their babies in hospitals, police stations, or fire stations. However, babies still get abandoned, two-thirds of such abandoned babies die. The state of Indiana is considering 'baby boxes' as a way to decrease such deaths, an additional measure to their safe haven process.
I recently found out about an organization that is dedicated to saving babies from abandonment and death - Project Cuddle - a non-profit charity that helps frightened girls and women in making safe and legal decisions instead of abandoning their newborn babies. Since finding out about them, I have been following them on Facebook, I am so appreciative of the work that they do that I chose to highlight them on the blog. I also realized my naivete - see, I didn't expect child abandonment to be such a huge problem in this First World USA...but it is. That's why there are safe haven laws. And since those laws are not enough, that's why there are organizations like Project Cuddle, providing women and girls with the chance to do the right thing - whether that is the support to parent or to make an adoption plan. Project Cuddle is not an adoption agency or facilitator, thus rescue families willing to adopt babies through their program work directly with lawyers and the birth mother. Rescue families apply to Project Cuddle, and only get a call if a birth mother is interested in selecting the family to rescue her baby.
Beyond discovering the wonderful lifesaving work of Project Cuddle, the past few weeks also involved about 30 additional hours of training in order to qualify to adopt from foster care. Who knew you can do a 3.5 hour training on car seats? We sat for two days learning about (mostly) the challenges of adopting from foster care - the physical, mental and emotional problems that children from foster care are likely to be struggling with. My reaction after the training - anyone who adopts from foster care after that kind of training has to be both brave and compassionate! Our trainers said they were giving us information so no one would walk into fost-adopt with their eyes closed. Well, our eyes are definitely open. Mostly, with compassion.
So that's whats going on in our neck of the woods. Our training for fost-adopt is complete, now we wait to complete the mountains of paperwork to update our homestudy for foster care (generally, it takes about 6 months from placement to finalization in fost-adopt, thus we have to be licensed as foster parents). We have also applied to be rescue parents with Project Cuddle. That makes three programs - domestic infant adoption, rescue parents, and soon, fost-adopt. Whichever path the Lord chooses to bring a child or children into our home, we are open, available, waiting and hopeful. Your continued prayers are very much appreciated...
Hope-filled Faith
I recently found out about an organization that is dedicated to saving babies from abandonment and death - Project Cuddle - a non-profit charity that helps frightened girls and women in making safe and legal decisions instead of abandoning their newborn babies. Since finding out about them, I have been following them on Facebook, I am so appreciative of the work that they do that I chose to highlight them on the blog. I also realized my naivete - see, I didn't expect child abandonment to be such a huge problem in this First World USA...but it is. That's why there are safe haven laws. And since those laws are not enough, that's why there are organizations like Project Cuddle, providing women and girls with the chance to do the right thing - whether that is the support to parent or to make an adoption plan. Project Cuddle is not an adoption agency or facilitator, thus rescue families willing to adopt babies through their program work directly with lawyers and the birth mother. Rescue families apply to Project Cuddle, and only get a call if a birth mother is interested in selecting the family to rescue her baby.
Beyond discovering the wonderful lifesaving work of Project Cuddle, the past few weeks also involved about 30 additional hours of training in order to qualify to adopt from foster care. Who knew you can do a 3.5 hour training on car seats? We sat for two days learning about (mostly) the challenges of adopting from foster care - the physical, mental and emotional problems that children from foster care are likely to be struggling with. My reaction after the training - anyone who adopts from foster care after that kind of training has to be both brave and compassionate! Our trainers said they were giving us information so no one would walk into fost-adopt with their eyes closed. Well, our eyes are definitely open. Mostly, with compassion.
So that's whats going on in our neck of the woods. Our training for fost-adopt is complete, now we wait to complete the mountains of paperwork to update our homestudy for foster care (generally, it takes about 6 months from placement to finalization in fost-adopt, thus we have to be licensed as foster parents). We have also applied to be rescue parents with Project Cuddle. That makes three programs - domestic infant adoption, rescue parents, and soon, fost-adopt. Whichever path the Lord chooses to bring a child or children into our home, we are open, available, waiting and hopeful. Your continued prayers are very much appreciated...
Hope-filled Faith
Saturday, January 10, 2015
New Year, New Hope
Happy New Year!
The other day, our adoption social worker asked whether the holiday was difficult, entering it still childless. Truth be told, I wondered whether it would be any more difficult than previous holidays, now that we had tasted the short-lived joy of holding a baby in our arms. As it turns out, it wasn't difficult, not at all. It was baby-filled, and thus joy-filled, because we got to hang out with our friends and families babies. I came back to Minnesota feeling rejuvenated, with my hope re-ignited. I, and we, continue to believe, to hope that we shall soon be holding a baby of our own in our hands. How God chooses to make that a reality remains to be seen...
A second source of hope re-ignited for me came because of watching how our friends and family, and even a few strangers, had responded so generously to our request for financial support towards our adoption goals. We do not take any of that for granted, whether 20 dollars or 200. Moreover, we are so appreciative of all those who are praying with and for us near and far. Our God is faithful, eventually, these prayers will be answered, and what a celebration that will be!
As I was preparing to write this post, I looked over the blog and realized the failed adoption post has been read more than 700 times! Evidently, there are many others out there who probably go to the internet looking for hope, trying to find out whether they are the only ones experiences failed placements or disruptions. We are not alone, and my hope with this blog has been that it would be a source of hope (yes, I used hope twice in one sentence...).
Finally, as this new year dawns all fresh and such, it has been 9 months, almost 10 since the disrupted adoption. As I was sharing some of our story with my classes (that we have no children but are waiting to adopt...), one of the students came to see me afterwards to chat. She asked how long we'd been waiting, I told her 9 months. Her words, "Don't give up Dr Faith, my parents waited 9 years to adopt me." There, you have it, hope re-ignited...
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| Mother and Child, Ceramic by Woodrow Nash. Captures my desires... |
The other day, our adoption social worker asked whether the holiday was difficult, entering it still childless. Truth be told, I wondered whether it would be any more difficult than previous holidays, now that we had tasted the short-lived joy of holding a baby in our arms. As it turns out, it wasn't difficult, not at all. It was baby-filled, and thus joy-filled, because we got to hang out with our friends and families babies. I came back to Minnesota feeling rejuvenated, with my hope re-ignited. I, and we, continue to believe, to hope that we shall soon be holding a baby of our own in our hands. How God chooses to make that a reality remains to be seen...
A second source of hope re-ignited for me came because of watching how our friends and family, and even a few strangers, had responded so generously to our request for financial support towards our adoption goals. We do not take any of that for granted, whether 20 dollars or 200. Moreover, we are so appreciative of all those who are praying with and for us near and far. Our God is faithful, eventually, these prayers will be answered, and what a celebration that will be!
As I was preparing to write this post, I looked over the blog and realized the failed adoption post has been read more than 700 times! Evidently, there are many others out there who probably go to the internet looking for hope, trying to find out whether they are the only ones experiences failed placements or disruptions. We are not alone, and my hope with this blog has been that it would be a source of hope (yes, I used hope twice in one sentence...).
Finally, as this new year dawns all fresh and such, it has been 9 months, almost 10 since the disrupted adoption. As I was sharing some of our story with my classes (that we have no children but are waiting to adopt...), one of the students came to see me afterwards to chat. She asked how long we'd been waiting, I told her 9 months. Her words, "Don't give up Dr Faith, my parents waited 9 years to adopt me." There, you have it, hope re-ignited...
Oh, That I migtht have my request,
That God would grant what I hope for
What strength do I have that I should still hope?
What prospects, that I should be patient?
Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
So, let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess
For God who promised is faithful
Now faith is confidence in what we hope for
and assurance about what we do not (yet) see
So, here I am. Here we are, waiting and hoping.
Its a new year, here's to new hope.
Won't you wait and hope with us?
(Job 6:8, 11; Isaiah 40:31; Hebrews 10:23; 11:1)
Sunday, November 16, 2014
Waiting as Spiritual Practice
As often happens when I get on Amazon or go to the grocery store, I went to buy one book and ended up with two. The second book is titled Seven Spiritual Gifts of Waiting by Holly Whitcomb, its been around for about 10 years but I just found it today. Perhaps I found it because hubby and I are in that space, the waiting space. And there is so much to learn in this space, as I have written previously here and here and a few other spots on this blog. I decided to read the book immediately...no patience here :-)
Whitcomb argues that:
We need to actively participate in this dramatic conversion from waiting as something to be endured to waiting as a gift.
Ahem...I try hard to think of waiting positively, but honestly, mostly I feel it is a test of endurance. Whitcomb talks about seven ways that waiting is a gift: it teaches us patience, loss of control, living in the present, compassion, gratitude, humility and trust in God. I read the first chapter on the gift of patience that comes from waiting, let it soak in, and reflected on how waiting to adopt has been teaching me patience.
Whitcomb explains the gift of patience thus:
When we have to wait without knowing the answers, without knowing what's ahead, we are nudged into a new perspective. Waiting without immediate solutions presents us with an opportunity to lean into the unknowing, to let go of the false promise of a quick fix, and to grow in patience. When we can embrace the gift of patience that waiting offers, we can trust beyond the moment.
Truthfully, though I cannot claim to be an expert on patience, I have learned a lot in the waiting space. I have definitely learned that, just because we are waiting does not mean being passive. I think at first I expected to just sit back and wait, and somehow a match would appear through our agency...alas, we needed to be more actively involved in our waiting. A few weeks ago, I finally set up our Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/FaithChasAdopt opening up a new avenue to communicate with others. One of the results of that was a contact from an expectant mom who is considering adoption, and though there is no match yet, it served as a source of hope that the Facebook page is contributing to our outreach productively.
Just over a month ago, I also set up our fundraising site on YouCaring compelled by the discovery that the costs will likely be above what we had expected. That site has raised over 2000 dollars of the 15K we are hoping to raise. And, it has been a tremendous lesson in humility and expansive patience - the willingness to be vulnerable and share with our wider community.
This past week, we have learned about various interesting situations arising out of our outreach efforts: one involving 5 children under 6 years of age in Florida that both broke our hearts and encouraged us as we saw 9 families willing and able to adopt all those children together; another involving two boys under 2 years of age that we couldn't apply for because the adoptive parents have to live within the state of Florida. While none of these situations could work for us, this week I felt my hope rising, I saw this active patience beginning to bear fruits. I learned that patience means staying with it, living through it, and listening intently to what God might be saying through it all.
So, I am grateful for the gifts of waiting, for the patience that is growing in me. I am grateful for the testimony that waiting can indeed be a gift to me and to those sharing this journey with us. In the fullness of time, I know that God will come through for us, and we will become parents. In the meantime, I will
"be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond" Rumi
Wont you wait actively patiently with me and my hubby?
Patiently, Faith
Whitcomb argues that:
We need to actively participate in this dramatic conversion from waiting as something to be endured to waiting as a gift.
Ahem...I try hard to think of waiting positively, but honestly, mostly I feel it is a test of endurance. Whitcomb talks about seven ways that waiting is a gift: it teaches us patience, loss of control, living in the present, compassion, gratitude, humility and trust in God. I read the first chapter on the gift of patience that comes from waiting, let it soak in, and reflected on how waiting to adopt has been teaching me patience.
Whitcomb explains the gift of patience thus:
When we have to wait without knowing the answers, without knowing what's ahead, we are nudged into a new perspective. Waiting without immediate solutions presents us with an opportunity to lean into the unknowing, to let go of the false promise of a quick fix, and to grow in patience. When we can embrace the gift of patience that waiting offers, we can trust beyond the moment.
Truthfully, though I cannot claim to be an expert on patience, I have learned a lot in the waiting space. I have definitely learned that, just because we are waiting does not mean being passive. I think at first I expected to just sit back and wait, and somehow a match would appear through our agency...alas, we needed to be more actively involved in our waiting. A few weeks ago, I finally set up our Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/FaithChasAdopt opening up a new avenue to communicate with others. One of the results of that was a contact from an expectant mom who is considering adoption, and though there is no match yet, it served as a source of hope that the Facebook page is contributing to our outreach productively.
Just over a month ago, I also set up our fundraising site on YouCaring compelled by the discovery that the costs will likely be above what we had expected. That site has raised over 2000 dollars of the 15K we are hoping to raise. And, it has been a tremendous lesson in humility and expansive patience - the willingness to be vulnerable and share with our wider community.
This past week, we have learned about various interesting situations arising out of our outreach efforts: one involving 5 children under 6 years of age in Florida that both broke our hearts and encouraged us as we saw 9 families willing and able to adopt all those children together; another involving two boys under 2 years of age that we couldn't apply for because the adoptive parents have to live within the state of Florida. While none of these situations could work for us, this week I felt my hope rising, I saw this active patience beginning to bear fruits. I learned that patience means staying with it, living through it, and listening intently to what God might be saying through it all.
So, I am grateful for the gifts of waiting, for the patience that is growing in me. I am grateful for the testimony that waiting can indeed be a gift to me and to those sharing this journey with us. In the fullness of time, I know that God will come through for us, and we will become parents. In the meantime, I will
"be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond" Rumi
Wont you wait actively patiently with me and my hubby?
Patiently, Faith
Sunday, September 14, 2014
Waiting [to Adopt] as a Platform for God's Grace
What happens to dreams, hopes, faith, when God's answer to a heartfelt prayer is a resounding NO?
The past few weeks have been interesting spiritually and emotionally, as the summer break wrapped up and the new academic year began, realizing that our adoption dream had still not come true. Granted, as our social worker reminded me the other day, waiting six months in the world of adoption is not long at all. However, when that waiting is preceded by a failed prior attempt at adoption, it feels like eternity!
So I found myself stressing out, even getting somewhat depressed as the new academic year started with not a rumor, not a single word about any potential matches. The closest we've come to any positive news is an 'adoption facilitation' agency that has been encouraging us to sign up with them, since they work with birth parents from around the country, they promise that we'd likely be matched fairly quickly. But the $19,500 sticker price for their service, that does not include lawyer fees, legal fees, transportation, or birth parent support just makes us feel discouraged. It means the adoption would cost close to $40K...one would think that domestic infant adoption would be less expensive than international adoption - but as we have realized, it isn't.
One weekend I was feeling so discouraged, so overwhelmed, so down in the dumps, so hope-depleted that it felt like darkness was threatening to descend on my otherwise sunny disposition :-( I pulled through, but it was also an opportunity to think about how I'd respond if God's answer to all this is no. What if this adoption never happens? What if I am never a mother? What then?
In the midst of the darkness, I was talking with one of my friends about not wanting to blog, because I did not want to spread the sense of despondency to anyone reading my blog. But, she reminded me I needed to stay faithful and authentic, to talk about the ups and the downs. I will quote from my journal from September 4 that reflects what I was experiencing:
While I continue to walk in this space of not-yet-answered prayers, the space after the no-for-an-answer to my prior prayer for biological motherhood, the space of hoping that this time, God's answer is a resounding Yes...I have come to the conclusion that, whatever happens, I will be faithful. Whatever happens, whether I become a mother or remain childless, I will find my joy in spite of the circumstances, I will sing along with Habakkuk 3:17-19: though nothing goes right, yet I will rejoice in the God who gives me strength. And thanks to Mavuno Church series this month, I am reminded that unanswered prayer is the reality for many, the test is in remaining faithful. Pastor M reminds me that my weakness is my opportunity to experience God's strength. So here is to rejoicing in the waiting - the waiting to adopt, the waiting to find out what God's answer is, the waiting in hope.
Won't you wait with me?
The past few weeks have been interesting spiritually and emotionally, as the summer break wrapped up and the new academic year began, realizing that our adoption dream had still not come true. Granted, as our social worker reminded me the other day, waiting six months in the world of adoption is not long at all. However, when that waiting is preceded by a failed prior attempt at adoption, it feels like eternity!
So I found myself stressing out, even getting somewhat depressed as the new academic year started with not a rumor, not a single word about any potential matches. The closest we've come to any positive news is an 'adoption facilitation' agency that has been encouraging us to sign up with them, since they work with birth parents from around the country, they promise that we'd likely be matched fairly quickly. But the $19,500 sticker price for their service, that does not include lawyer fees, legal fees, transportation, or birth parent support just makes us feel discouraged. It means the adoption would cost close to $40K...one would think that domestic infant adoption would be less expensive than international adoption - but as we have realized, it isn't.
One weekend I was feeling so discouraged, so overwhelmed, so down in the dumps, so hope-depleted that it felt like darkness was threatening to descend on my otherwise sunny disposition :-( I pulled through, but it was also an opportunity to think about how I'd respond if God's answer to all this is no. What if this adoption never happens? What if I am never a mother? What then?
In the midst of the darkness, I was talking with one of my friends about not wanting to blog, because I did not want to spread the sense of despondency to anyone reading my blog. But, she reminded me I needed to stay faithful and authentic, to talk about the ups and the downs. I will quote from my journal from September 4 that reflects what I was experiencing:
Its weird
Being woken up by the crazy heavy storm
That shook the house down to its foundations
Attempting to break the windows
And pull the storm door right off its hinges
An apt reminder of the weekend that was
The storm that was raging in my soul
As I felt myself descend deeper and deeper into the darkness
As I felt myself get pulled down further and further from
hope
As I felt myself dragged away from joy and into despair
But you Lord
Just as with the storm that has now passed this area
Leaving the house intact
You allowed that storm to pass through my life
And calm is returning
The calm that reminds me that I am alive
That I am on this side of heaven
Where I will be buffeted by life's heavy burdens
Shaken by the thunder of despair and discouragement
Yet in the midst of it all
You remain the rock I hang onto and stand
The firm foundation that secures my house and hope
While I continue to walk in this space of not-yet-answered prayers, the space after the no-for-an-answer to my prior prayer for biological motherhood, the space of hoping that this time, God's answer is a resounding Yes...I have come to the conclusion that, whatever happens, I will be faithful. Whatever happens, whether I become a mother or remain childless, I will find my joy in spite of the circumstances, I will sing along with Habakkuk 3:17-19: though nothing goes right, yet I will rejoice in the God who gives me strength. And thanks to Mavuno Church series this month, I am reminded that unanswered prayer is the reality for many, the test is in remaining faithful. Pastor M reminds me that my weakness is my opportunity to experience God's strength. So here is to rejoicing in the waiting - the waiting to adopt, the waiting to find out what God's answer is, the waiting in hope.
Won't you wait with me?
Sunday, August 10, 2014
An Attitude of Gratitude
After four days of posting about three things I am grateful for on Facebook, I decided to bring my final posting to the blog. To ruminate on gratitude. The exercise involved 5 days of posting three things each day...what a great way to remind ourselves that there is indeed much to be grateful for.
I have owned a gratitude journal for quite a while, but I don't use it. Not because I don't practice gratitude, but because I choose to journal in one location. Most of my journal entries begin with what I am grateful for...though sometimes life's drama gets in the way of an attitude of gratitude and I find myself whining to my journal, complaining about this, that or the other.
So today I am grateful for a rest-filled weekend. After a harried two weeks involving travel and conference participation, I am just glad to take it easy this weekend. I am not always very disciplined about rest...but am learning. So I slept in, had a slow breakfast, and then just took it easy most of today.
As I have ruminated on the fact that we still have not been matched with birth parents so many months after our home-study was approved, I chose to be grateful, to find the silver lining in the waiting game. So rather than focus on the frustrations of waiting, I am looking towards what I have been able to accomplish this summer - because I had cancelled all my international trips while we had baby Zawadi at home, I found myself, for the first time in more than 8 years, not having to teach, change jobs/move or do long travel this summer. That meant I could push through some projects that needed focused attention, much harder to accomplish during the school year. So that's my silver lining...and am grateful for that. Off course I'd much rather have been enjoying being a new parent :-)
As the summer began, I was nervous about being able to fill up the Lorentzsen Center for Faith and Work program for the upcoming year. I'd started off being told 'no' by the first two people that I invited as speakers...and was quite afraid that the trend would continue. I am so grateful that there is a full program of luncheons and a final conference for the 2014-2015 school year, for all the many business people and organizational leaders I have interacted with this summer, and am looking forward to a great year! So am starting this new academic year off on a good note, a hope-filled heart, an attitude of gratitude.
In everything give thanks. For this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. (I Thessalonians 5:18)
I have owned a gratitude journal for quite a while, but I don't use it. Not because I don't practice gratitude, but because I choose to journal in one location. Most of my journal entries begin with what I am grateful for...though sometimes life's drama gets in the way of an attitude of gratitude and I find myself whining to my journal, complaining about this, that or the other.
So today I am grateful for a rest-filled weekend. After a harried two weeks involving travel and conference participation, I am just glad to take it easy this weekend. I am not always very disciplined about rest...but am learning. So I slept in, had a slow breakfast, and then just took it easy most of today.
 |
| Philly Skyline August 4, 2014 |
As I have ruminated on the fact that we still have not been matched with birth parents so many months after our home-study was approved, I chose to be grateful, to find the silver lining in the waiting game. So rather than focus on the frustrations of waiting, I am looking towards what I have been able to accomplish this summer - because I had cancelled all my international trips while we had baby Zawadi at home, I found myself, for the first time in more than 8 years, not having to teach, change jobs/move or do long travel this summer. That meant I could push through some projects that needed focused attention, much harder to accomplish during the school year. So that's my silver lining...and am grateful for that. Off course I'd much rather have been enjoying being a new parent :-)
 |
| Presenting a paper at the Academy of Management meeting, Philadelphia August 5th, 2014 |
In everything give thanks. For this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. (I Thessalonians 5:18)
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